UNSPOKEN TRUTHS rating - strong R pairing - Ry/Col summary - another speculative fiction… disclaimer - I do not own anyone but myself. Any resemblance this piece may bear to anything else (aside from names) is purely coincidental. The people might be real, but the situation is purely fictional. I derive no profit from this work. Strobe lights swirl as Colin sways. I cover my face with a cupped hand and shake my head, thinking he will be recognized. We are somewhat incognito, meaning Colin has opted for a baseball cap, and I am wearing a pair of sunglasses. The superman theory, but it's not as if we're in Toronto where fans would immediately spot and accost him. We're in West Hollywood, and in a gay bar. Risky, I know, but the likelihood of us being recognized is slim - at best. Still, I wonder… When I go to the dance floor, I lead him away by the sleeve until we're at the bar again, and I regard him. His face is adorable, sweet, unreadable but open. His dimples are deep when he smiles at me, and I shake my head, happily. "Lets go." I shout over the music. "I'm tired." He nods. "Another beer?" He asks over the loud techno. I shake my head. "No. No more beer. Lets leave." He ignores me for a moment, then nods. "Okay." He mouths over some bad Celine Dion remix. "My place?" I shrug. "Yeah. Whatever." Out on the street, he pauses and glances toward the car - a dark blue Expedition he rented. I smirk as he stumbles a bit. "What the hell is this?" He asks, laughing at himself. "How many did I have?" I shrug. "I don't know, Col. Quite a few, I'm guessing." He chuckles at himself and reaches for me to steady him, and I hear the voice of a man behind us. "Oh God! You're Colin Mochrie - from Whose Line!" My eyes close as I hope and pray it's a dream, a mirage, an alcohol induced delusion, but he's real. The man holding the autograph book is real - and smiling, closing in. "- And you're Ryan Stiles! I have to get your autograph! Please!" Adjusting my shades, I raise a foreboding hand to ward him away, but Colin obliges, as usual, taking his pen and scribbling his John Hancock. Amazing. I just want to die, but it's over soon. The man only wants an autograph - no long drawn out encounter. He doesn't even seem to acknowledge that we're together, and I'm dragging Colin down the street and hoping the fan won't remember this in the morning. After all, it was Colin's idea to come here - not mine. When we get to the truck, I lead him to the passenger's side and open the door for him, helping him up and into the vehicle. "You're so good to me." He murmurs, holding me tightly. "Don't ever stop, Ryan..." I don't answer. Instead, I close his door and go around to the driver's side, letting myself in and closing the door. Once inside, I take off the shades. "You need coffee." I say to him, matter-of-factly. He rests his head back against the seat and seems to have a moment of clarity. "That guy back there knew." I don't follow. "Knew what?" Colin shakes his head. "He knew we were together." I don't reply to that; Instead, I make an inquiry. "Deb is in Toronto, I presume." He nods, quickly. "Yeah. She hates L.A." His voice sounds groggy. "So does Luke." I try to block out the image of Colin's doting wife and son. Especially, his son. "Col, what did you drink? You drank something while I wasn't with you." I accuse gently. "What all did you have?" He shrugs. "Martini and…uh…something else clear. Maybe club soda." I shake my head. "No. It wasn't club soda. I'm willing to bet." He sighs. "I wanted you to dance with me." He says, changing the subject. "You can be so….I dunno…conservative…" I snort a laugh. "*I'm* conservative? Right. You're one to talk." He doesn't reply, only shrugs. "At least I'm adventurous. You're content to just sit at the bar all night sucking down Heinekens." I glance at him. "Yeah. Well. I'd call going to a gay bar in the shady part of Hollywood pretty adventurous." His only response is a short laugh as I continue to maneuver the truck through downtown and up towards Culver City where Colin is renting a new apartment. It's where he goes when he doesn't want to be found, this new place. And its where we can be together without interruptions. The building is stucco, plain and unassuming. It has a subterranean parking garage, and a private entrance. When we get to the threshold, he lays a hand on my arm while I use his keys to open the door. Once inside, he closes the door and reaches for me. In his arms, I feel larger than life. Needed and wanted. "Ryan…" His voice is gentle as he brings my head down and kisses my face, my jaw, my chin, my lips. "…Ryan, I love you." I smirk at him and cradle his face in my large hand. "I love you too." When our lips meet again, I taste the vodka on his tongue, smell the smoky atmosphere that got into his clothes from the bar. I pull him closer and feel his heartbeat and then he pulls away. "I want you to hear something." He says, moving towards another room while I stand and wait in the front hall. I could sit, make myself comfortable, plop down onto the couch, take off my shoes, but something about standing here awkwardly has an appeal. It feels like the first time. In another moment, he comes to me grinning, folding his arms. "Wait until you hear this." Then, piping through the surround sound, I hear a weird electronic dance beat and interwoven into the base, I hear the familiar Hoedown melody. "What the Hell…" Is all I can say as the tempo picks up and becomes some kind of psychedelic rave mix. Colin is grinning ear to ear. "Can you believe it?" He says, beaming. "It's the Hoedown remix. My son made it." I nod, trying not to wince. "Can you make it stop?" His chuckle is barely heard over the bass as he disappears again and stops my torture. "What'd you think?" He says, returning. "Cool, huh?" I shake my head, tugging an earlobe. "Uh. Yeah. Cool. Maybe a bit scary..." He leans against the wall, facing me. "Kids these days…" he sighs. "… Growing up in Canada…well….Hell, Scotland, even. It was nothing like today." I nod my concurrence. "Yeah. Everything's different. Things change….people…" I shrug, unsure where our conversation is headed. "He would be okay, y'know." He says after a pause, and it takes me a moment before I catch on. "You mean your kid." I say quietly. He nods. "Yeah. If Deb left." "She won't." I assert, crossing my arms. "Besides, this isn't a new development." Colin smirks. "Right. It's an *old* development." I shake my head, and my finger at him. "You're fishing." He nods. "Yeah. Maybe." "Tell me." I prod. "What?" He shrugs. "I dunno…I just…" He reaches a hand to me and rests it against my chest. "…I guess I just miss you when you're not here." I close the gap between us and caress his cheek with one hand. "Colin…" "Forget it. It doesn't matter." "Col…" I whisper, stroking his baby soft skin with one thumb. "… Colin, what are we doing?" He shrugs, makes a face. "Hell if I know. I just know how I feel." I nod. "And how is that?" He pauses before answering. The quiet stretches on forever as I continue to cradle his cheek in my hand, staring into his shadowy brown eyes. "It goes so far beyond love that it scares me." My arms are around him in an instant. He's so fragile, and yet so pliant…I don't know what I'd do without him. Without this. His bedroom is cool and dark and new. It still smells like fresh paint and Martha Stewart linen. Moonlight streams through the mini- blinds casting horizontal shapes on us as he unbuttons my shirt. I feel the overwhelming anticipation as he slowly reveals my skin, dancing his fingers lightly across my chest, but I have to abstain myself or I might go crazy. God, his touch is so light. "You're teasing me." I croak out. He chuckles, bringing his face to my chest, kissing a pectoral. "Not teasing...savoring." I close my eyes against his grazing lips against my torso. "Colin…" He smiles against my heart. "Ryan." "I need you…" I manage through clenched teeth. "…touch me…" He obliges, pushing the shirt completely off my shoulders, letting it fall to the floor as his hands dance against my ribcage. "You're getting so thin." his observation sounds almost motherly. "Col…" I sigh. "No. I'm serious. You need to spend more time at the craft service table." I snort a laugh and reach for him, entwining our fingers. "You want me to pork up like Drew?" "Well…" He considers it. "…maybe not *that* much time - but certainly you could use a donut here or there." His eyes are playful as he whispers against my chin. "Maybe a hotdog." I groan at his choice of words. "You're not helping." He pulls back to look at me appraisingly, grinning. "You're so beautiful." I blush in the dark, feel my ears redden. "I'm…" "So beautiful." He finishes, undoing my belt buckle as my cock strains against the zipper. Letting him take the lead is unbearably hard. He goes so slowly that I am nearly insane with need when he finally gets me naked. Then I have to get through the sweet, sweet torture of foreplay; and he's worse than my wife in that respect. The preliminary part can often times take longer than the actual sex, but when I start in on him, it's worth the wait. Seeing the cool and collected Colin Mochrie lose it under my control is my driving force. It's what keeps bringing me back. "What do you want first?" He asks, brushing his thumbs against my nipples. "I'll do whatever you want." I chuckle and reach for him, tugging his shirt over his head. "First, I want you as naked as I am." His smile is shy. "Fair enough." "Damn right." I'm kneeling in front of him, unbuttoning his slacks as he laughs nervously. "How quickly I lose control of these situations." His voice is quiet but amused. "And what exactly are you planning?" I snort, pushing the dark fabric down his legs, revealing creamy white skin. "No plan, Col. I'm flying by the seat of my pants…well… when I still had pants." His hands rest on my shoulders as I bring my face in close to bury it in the crotch of his dark boxer briefs. He groans and tightens his grip. "God, Stiles…you don't waste time." I chuckle against his package. "Yeah - I'm going for a record tonight." I hear Colin gasp at my words. "Oh?" Is all he says. "Yeah." I nod, letting one hand cup him through the soft cotton, then rub slowly. "How many times I can bring you off without sending you to the emergency room." He swallows audibly. "Um. Well. If your back can take it…" I shake my head at him, letting my hands go around him to cup his firm ass. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. But are you up for it?" His reply is a soft whimper as I nip at him through fabric. "Sure." Moments later, I have the Canadian on his back on the bed, and I am planting kisses down his body, pinning his wrists above him. His eyes are closed and his breath is coming in soft gasps. He feels so hot beneath me, so near the brink even though I've avoided touching him where he needs it most. Instead, my knee comes between his thighs to massage the throbbing organ. He whines when I do this. "Ryan…" "Yes…" "Ryan, please…" his voice is so quiet, a breathy whisper. Reaching between us, I grasp him and begin stroking him in long languid motions. Now, he's biting his lip and I continue my ministrations, watching his face as I do. "You do that…so well…" He whispers, letting his free hand touch my face and bury itself in my hair. "That's not all I can do well." I promise him as I slide down his body and take his length into my mouth. His quick intake of breath is all the response I get as I let him fill my mouth, then I go for a bigger reaction by swirling my tongue around the head. "Oh! Christ…Ryan…" He covers his face with one hand and uses the other to grasp onto the sheets. I continue on this way for several minutes until I know he's getting near the brink, then I give him one last lick and release him. He exhales slowly but doesn't seem upset about not finishing. Instead, he reaches for me and pulls me between his legs. We both want the same thing. When I settle above him, we're face to face and his hands are cradling my head. His brown eyes are deep, excited, passionate, playful, pensive… "What are you waiting for?" He finally asks. I smirk a little. "I don't know. An invitation, maybe…" He snorts, shaking his head a bit. "Okay. In that case, would you please…join me…" I don't know. Something about the way he says it, something about the sound of him drives me suddenly psychotic with need and I feel myself lift his leg and enter him with one swift, harsh movement. His face is flushed and his eyes are on mine. He's biting his lip again as I slam into him, then pull almost completely out. Then in again, rocking the bed, wreaking havoc. Something about being with him like this feels like purgatory. I'm joined with him, and it feels so good. I'm in so deep, I'm resting against his prostate, making him whimper and claw at me, then I'm out again, prolonging the anticipation. Oh God…he's so wonderful. When I reach down and grasp him in a tight fist, he comes between us, and I revel in his release, ignited by him. Just thinking about him is enough to bring me off. Just seeing his smile, imagine him touching me….but I don't have to imagine it because it's real. He's here. Several hours later, we're settled back against his blankets, lying quietly, tangled together. I promised I'd bring him off several times, and I kept my promise. As a result he's exhausted, we're both clawed as if we've been in a cat fight, and my back is killing me - but it was worth it. I can't keep the smile from my face, thinking that I need these nights of endless passion or I'd never get through one single taping of the show, sitting just inches from him without attacking him between every take. The steady rise and fall of his chest tells me he's lightly dozing, and I brush a few light strands of his remaining hair away from his temple, getting a sleepy sigh from him. He's my absolute true love, and if I have to continue doing this 'extended family' thing to keep what we have, then so be it. It scares me, but fear seems an easy price to pay. Slipping out of bed I go for the bathroom, but deciding it's too cold for nakedness I pull on one of Colin's dark monogrammed robes. Shit, L.A. is never this chilly. It feels pregnant with it now, and the air seems still - as if also expectant. When I flush the toilet, I wash up and go out into the corridor, intending to go to the kitchen for some chips or popcorn, but I am halted dead in my tracks. Okay. This is weird. If Deb is in Toronto, how can she also be standing in this apartment? And why is it that I never noticed her eyes before and now I can't look anyplace but there? I can't even seem to focus on her mouth, agape with surprise, or her eyebrows nearly up into her hairline. However, I do notice she's carrying a suitcase. Oh Good. I feel my heartbeat. I'd thought for the moment that it had stopped. This must look odd, me wearing Colin's robe. "Um. Hi." I say, clearing my throat. She doesn't speak at first, only lets her eyes dance erratically over me as if looking for a clue, some explanation as to my presence here. "What the hell is this?" she finally opts on, dropping the suitcase to the hardwood floor with a thud. I watch it's descent, seemingly in slow motion. I swallow before I answer. "I'm…We…I….Colin's asleep." She nods, slowly. "You bastard." she whispers. "What *is* this?" I close my eyes, trying to think of a plausible lie, but I can't. //Dammit, Ryan Think! Think!// "I'm sorry." I say, clenching my jaw, pulling the robe tighter around me. "Debra, I'm so sorry." "No!" she growls, "Fuck that! Tell me what this is. What did I walk into?" I'm shaking my head, trying to will away the nightmare that isn't. "It's nothing…I just…" It's hard to lie about me and Colin. I've never had to deny it before, and it feels unnatural to do so now - especially to the only other person who matters. "I thought you were friends. *Really* good friends - and you're fucking him!" the words come like slaps with a heavy hand. "You're fucking my husband! You sick assholes!" "Don't blame him." The voice belongs to Colin who comes up behind me, dressed in pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. "I didn't want you to find out this way." She stares past me to link eyes with her husband. The realization hurts. *Her* husband. God, what have I done? "So, it's true?" she asks, her voice quiet and suddenly tearful. "You two are…" "I never expected you to come here." "Apparently." she counters. "How did you know where to find me?" For the moment, her face falters, then she straightens. "Does it matter? I found you." Feeling every bit the outsider, I start to back towards the bedroom, but her voice stops me. "Where are you going?" Her eyes are sparkling with tears. "You're every bit as guilty. You smiled in my face at every goddamned party, leading me to believe you were a friend - but you aren't, are you Ryan? You're just as bad as any Improv groupie." Now, she sinks to her knees as Colin goes to her. "I should have known." Her voice is thin, fragile. Colin's eyes meet mine as he comforts his wife. Still, she continues to verbalize as she gets increasingly calmer. "I should have seen. The way you are…I thought it was part of the act." She turns to look at Colin. "How long?" "Deb, we shouldn't…" "Tell me, goddamn you." she mutters under her breath. Colin shrugs. "I don't know. Years, I guess…" She folds over onto herself, cradling her own head as if preparing for nuclear holocaust. I lean against the wall, unable to move from this spot. Colin is rubbing her back, and I know it must help some - he has a special touch, a calming effect. I am watching his hand smooth over her, and I feel a sudden burst of sorrow. "I'm sorry, Col." I choke out in a hoarse voice. "So stupid…" I muse to myself. "Sshhh…" Colin says - to me?…or maybe to her…I'm not sure. "It's alright. We'll work through this." I don't respond, just wipe away my tears. Why am I crying? Because I'm selfish, that's why. I'm crying because I'm afraid he'll pacify her, tell her he won't leave, tell her it's over between us, that he's made a terrible mistake and he wants to work through it. And she'll accept him back because he's wonderful. Not even she can deny that. He has a certain way that can't be resisted. She'll want to keep him for their son - and for herself because he's a beautiful person, a funny, sweet, enigmatic lover of life. She wouldn't deny herself that - especially when given a second chance at it. And he'll go back to her. I'm positive of this because he's loyal. He promised her. He exchanged vows with her. It doesn't matter that he loved me first. "I should leave." I say suddenly, stalking back towards the bedroom. "Wait…"I hear his voice as he stands to follow. "…Ryan…" "Let him go." Deb's voice is laced with bitter regret. I understand how she feels. In the bedroom, I'm throwing off his robe and pulling on my clothes. "Ryan, I want you to stay." His voice is quiet but adamant. "We've discussed this." "No!" I turn to him, angry. "We *never* discussed this!" I snarl at him. "We never even considered what we'd do if she just popped up out of the blue! I can't deal with this." "But I love you." He says softly, and his eyes are so open and so honest and childlike that wracking sobs take over my body before I even know what's happening. In an instant, his arms are around me, holding me close. "I don't want to wreck your marriage." I sob into his shoulder. He chuckles, sadly. "Too late. And anyway, I wrecked it. Not you." When I pull back to look at him, I see that his eyes are sparkling. His love for me hasn't diminished one iota, and that fact brings about more tears. "You…and Deb…your son…" I'm talking between sobs. "Don't you worry about that." Colin whispers, cradling my face in his warm palms. "I'll handle it. Soon. I promise. It won't effect you. I knew what I was doing years ago - when we first made love. I loved you then and I love you now. That won't ever change. I just should have told her." "Yeah." We both turn to the sound of her voice in the threshold. "You should have." Her tearstained eyes and drawn face have calmed considerably, but I suspect she's going to be a wreck for a while. Colin takes a step back from me, but stays in close proximity. "Debra, I'm sorry." His voice is sincere, even pained. " I don't know what else to say." "Well…" she says, wiping her nose with a tissue. "…whatever it is, you can say it to my lawyer. He'll be calling you first thing in the morning." I close my eyes against the harsh reality as Colin speaks. "I'd like to not make a media circus of this. For our son's sake - and for Ryan." She smirks bitterly. "Fuck Ryan." Then after a pause, she adds. "My lawyer and I will discuss what to do about Luke." Colin seems to deflate a little at that, and I realize the prospect of losing his son looms overhead like a dark cloud. Without another word, she exits and for a moment I think he may go after her, but he doesn't. His feet stay planted firmly on the ground. Then, the chocolate of his eyes begins to melt as tears come streaming silently down his face. He clenches his jaw once, and shrugs. "That's that." He whispers in an even voice. "Shit, Colin…I'm so sorry…" I'm near him, holding him. "…I could have stopped it at any time. I knew you were married." He nods. "But I wouldn't have wanted to stop it. I've always wanted you. From the beginning. I couldn't have stopped. I married her because I thought it would divert away from that - away from what I felt for you, but it never did. Even after I learned to love her, it wasn't ever enough." His words are so powerful - like a jolt. I hold him closer still, breathing him in. "Maybe she was meant to know." I sigh, resigned. "After all, how did she know about this place?" When he opens his eyes to me, they're steady, piercing, and I already know what he's going to say before he says it. "I told her." END?