Shut Up And Kiss Me By Patricia Thomas Rating: PG for mention of the word “boner”. Pairing: You’ll see. Unless you’ve never seen the particular game mentioned. Archive and Feedback: Yes! (A very short drabble-ish thing...introspection.) I had never thought about it. Not before… We had been playing Bartender. He was supposed to be in love with me, or excited by me, or some crazy shit like that. Drew knew what the audience wanted, and he gave it to them, frequently in the form of a gay joke. I’d always laughed it off as us being crazy improvisers, willing to do whatever it took to keep the scene going and hopefully getting laughs in the process. But then, that damned Bartender game. He kissed me. Leaned across that fake bar…and kissed me. It’s not like I hadn’t been expecting it, but when it happened… Something snapped. I was in love with him. Okay, maybe not in love. More like “in lust”. Still, those awkward high school got-a-boner-because-she-looked-at-me-and-asked-for-a-pencil feelings came rushing into my lower stomach area. Luckily, I’d been wearing tight underwear and loose pants to that taping. Thank God I got to stand behind that bar for a little while longer, or else I would have…well, the audience would have gotten to know Gary, and he’s very shy around strangers. I really didn’t know what to do. I found him in the green room after the show, showing off the picture of his new baby and having everyone ooh and ahh over her. A sinking feeling replaced that got-a-boner one from before as I remembered…that’s right. He had a wife. A loving, caring, sexy, child-bearing wife. She really was gorgeous. And he really did love her. I never got the courage to tell him. Now, I keep thinking about what might have been. He moved after Whose Line got cancelled, back to Hawaii. Said he missed it there. Said he could raise his child there…said him and his wife would grow closer away from the busy hustle of LA. Every night, I go to bed, uneasily, with the thought running through my mind… He could have been mine.