Title: Rebuild Rating: G Pairing: Greg/Ryan; Ryan/Colin Disclaimer: Don't own 'em! Summary: SongFic to Barenaked Ladies 'Call and Answer'......Greg's POV Call and Answer- Barenaked Ladies I think it’s getting to the point Where I can be myself again I think it’s getting to the point Where we have almost made amends I think it’s the getting to the point That is the hardest part. And if you call, I will answer And if you fall, I’ll pick you up And if you court this disaster I’ll point you home You think I only think about you When we’re both in the same room You think I’m only here to witness The remains of love exhumed You think we’re here to play A game of who loves more than whom And if you call, I will answer And if you fall, I’ll pick you up And if you court this disaster I’ll point you home You think it’s only fair to do what’s Best for you and you alone You think it’s only fair to do the same To me when you’re not home I think it’s time to make this something that is More than only fair So if you call, I will answer And if you fall, I’ll pick you up And if you court this disaster I’ll point you home. But I’m warning you, don’t ever do Those crazy, messed up things that you do If you ever do I promise you I’ll be the first to crucify you Now it’s time to prove that you’ve come back Here to rebuild. -- I can't believe that I ever fell for his charm. I guess it really was too perfect. Who am I to deserve him? Ryan is the epitome of what any man would want. He's tall, handsome, charming, electric.......simply amazing. I guess I should have known that it was too good to last, things like that never do. And really, I don't know if you can tame someone like Ryan. It was so good though. Who does Colin think he is to come along and shatter my perfect world. But that was months ago. You'd think I'd be past it by now. You'd think I'd be over Ryan, able to look past what I've lost, able to stop feeling elation every time he talks to me, able to stop feeling the pain everytime he's not in the room. You'd think. But I just can't get past it. Ryan and I had met in London, filming Whose Line. We had been paired up for many of the games that first night, as we were the two Americans, and by the end of the night we were giggling everytime we looked at each other. I was thrilled later when he pulled me aside and asked if I wanted to go for a drink. When asked about it later, he would claim he hadn't had intentions of seducing me that night, but if you ask me, he knew full well what he was doing. We had found a seedy out of the way bar, endulged in more than a few brewed treats, and enjoyed chatting, getting to know each other. That was his first night in London and he begged me to show him the sights, so, against my better judgement, we took a long, late night walk. As we walked along the river, enjoying the many colored reflections off the glassy surface, he abruptly turned and pressed me against the rail, capturing my lips with his.....a glorious moment of passion and surrender. Although I was undoubtably intoxicated, I remember every detail of that first night as though it was yesterday. We shared our lives for almost a year, endulging in every fantasy, every desire. He told me he loved me......and I believed him. He had told me about Colin before, mentioning him as a longtime friend, fellow improviser, but nothing more. I was actually excited when Ryan told me that Colin had won a spot on the show and would be joining us in London for the next taping. How could I have been so naive? It was okay in the beginning, right after I found out about the two of them. Ryan acted like nothing was wrong, and in my screwed up mind I reasoned that that meant there was still a chance that he'd come back to me. I watched them with a mix of insane jealousy, anger, and delusion. I almost think that he was parading it in front of me, showing me how happy he was now, making me wonder if I ever made him happy. I did make him happy, didn't I? As time went on I started to realize that he wasn't coming back to me. It was obvious that he was in love with Colin. I was falling apart, both physically, and emotionally as well. I had stopped eating, favoring drinking and drugs and the escape they afforded, stopped sleeping too, unless of course you counted the times that I passed out. Tonight was one of those nights........I'd been drinking for hours, alone in the dark solitude of my apartment. I haven't seen anyone else in days. I woke this morning feeling worse than I could remember ever feeling. I didn't make it out of bed until sometime in the middle of the afternoon, and that was only to use the bathroom and find another bottle. Surely this was the worst it was going to get, right? A few days ago, at the studio, I'd come across Ryan and Colin, sitting together on the step on the set. They weren't even aware that I was there, and they continued their conversation, oblivious to the intrusion. I stood in the shadows and listened, sensing on some primative level that this was an important moment. Ryan held Colin's hands in his, the union resting comfortably against his knees. They were turned towards each other, allowing me to see Ryan's face, but not Colin's. Ryan's eyes glistened under the bright studio lights, betraying tears he was obviously trying to hold back. He leaned forward and spoke in his deep baritone voice. "I have never felt more alive than in the past few months. Never felt more real......and its all because of you. You've taught me how to live, taught me about truth, and most importantly, how to love. Colin, you've blessed me by allowing me to be a part of your life, and I want to give you the one gift that I think can even come close to what you've given me. Colin, I'm leaving Pat......I want us to be together forever........I love you." With that Ryan had stopped, taken a deep breath and looked at Colin expectantly. A moment, which seemed like an eternity, later, Colin reached forward and pulled Ryan into his arms, allowing him to collapse into him and held tight as sobs racked Ryan's body. The last thing I remember was watching Colin kiss Ryan's forehead, smoothing his hair and whispering, "I love you Ryan." I'd turned and run off, no longer caring if they knew I was there. I barely made it outside before I vomited. The radio played softly in the background, not because I was listening to it, but because it had been triggered by an alarm and I was too lazy or drunk to turn it off. A few times I'd found myself vaguly listening to it, straining to hear the softly sung lyrics, but nothing had caught my attention enough to either increase the volume or cut it off entirely. I had spent alot of time in the past few days analyzing myself and Ryan. I'd gone in circles for days, never settling on a constant feeling for very long, other than that of the profound hurt I was feeling. It was getting to the point that even the drugs didn't numb the pain anymore. Ryan had been tamed. I lay back, across the cool tile floor, and just waited for something, anything. Something on the radio caught my attention, and although I couldn't hear it clearly, I could follow the message. I recognized the band, a Canadian group I'd liked for years (ironic, I know). I drug myself up off the floor and dug out the cd, playing it for the first time in years. The words were just what I needed, just the answer I was searching for. I knew where I belonged now, and I knew what I had to do. I burned off a copy of the song onto another cd and put it in an envelope, with a simple note. "Please listen and know that I am happy for you. I still love you deeply, I always will, but you are my friend and that is something that I lost along the way. When you are ready, I'll be here.........its time for us to rebuild. fin (11/1/05)