Title: Paradox Author: xfphile Pairing: Ryan/Colin Rating: PG-13 Summary: answer to leenys' `Scenario' challenge Disclaimer: Don't own `em, but if Ryan and/or Colin come up for sale, we've got first dibs. Paradox ~~~~~~~ "How could you?" The words were soft, but the harsh bitterness behind them couldn't be ignored. Colin Mochrie flinched back when he heard them, closing his eyes and biting his lip. "I---I just can't believe tha---*why*, Colin?" This time, the words full of anguish and betrayal and Colin flinched again. He started to reach out, but stilled the movement. Touching Ryan would only remind both of them about what they had lost. The silence suddenly registered and Colin realized that his lover--- his ex-lover---was waiting for an answer. "Why?" he repeated, his shoulders slumping. "Because you were gone and I was drunk and I just wanted to feel good. Because I missed you so damn much." There was another long minute of silence, and then Ryan quietly said, "I understand that. Obviously. What I don't get is why it was okay for you to screw around on me, but I wasn't allowed the same privilege." "Because I didn't fuck her!" Colin shouted, his temper flaring in the face of his guilt. "Neither did I," Ryan snapped back, his eyes flashing with anger. The guilt was long gone, but the anger had been festering for days. Nine days, to be exact. It had been nine long, agonizing days since he had found out that his one-night stand had been Colin's one-night stand a mere three days before. Nine days since he and Colin had ended things. Ryan's mind flashed back two weeks, when he had walked into his dressing room and found Colin sitting on the couch, a photograph in his hands and a letter on the floor at his feet. There had been no anger, no accusations. Instead, there were tears and hugging and `whys.' And then Colin had quietly told him to move out. Overcome with guilt and knowing that he had no possible recourse, Ryan had obeyed. It had nearly killed him, leaving, but it was for the best. He had taken Colin's trust and love, put on a pair of stiletto heels, and trampled them into the dirt. So he moved out of the home that he'd made with Colin, looking back every two minutes and desperately hoping that his lover would understand and take him back. It was wishful thinking, of course, and they both knew it. And then it happened. Five days after he'd moved into his trailer at the studio, Ryan had received a letter. With a photograph. And suddenly, everything made sense. So here they were: facing each other, simmering with anger and resentment, and ignoring the spark that had flared the second Ryan had crossed the threshold of Colin's dressing room. "I don't care about the fact that you screwed around, Colin," he hissed, his eyes narrowing. "I care because when you found out, you didn't tell me the truth." That one hit home and Ryan felt a brief sting of satisfaction. It faded quickly when he saw the guilty pain in Colin's eyes, and his heart softened. Too much. "I care because I still love you," he whispered, turning away. "And because we could have worked this out. I understand lonely and drunk and temptation. But not telling me the truth . . . *why*?" he asked again, his voice shaking. There was another eternity of silence and then--- "Because I couldn't stand to see the look in your eyes when you found out and I couldn't have handled hearing you ask why you weren't enough," Colin choked out, his eyes filling with tears. "Did I not love you enough, Colin?" Ryan asked quietly, his anger gone. He felt nothing, now. His heart was empty and he knew that it should be aching with loss, but there was nothing there. "You loved me too well, Ryan," his lover responded. "But I didn't love you enough." "Okay, that's enough!" a new voice snapped. Ryan spun around, automatically putting himself between Colin and whoever was at the door. Drew Carey looked steadily back at him, raising an eyebrow. "It was a setup from the beginning," he said, walking far enough into the room to shut the door. "They arrested her about an hour ago and she's been singing like a bird." Unconsciously, Colin moved closer to Ryan and took his hand. "I don't understand," he told his boss, wrinkling his forehead and frowning. "How coul---" "She drugged you," Drew replied bluntly, shifting restlessly. "Apparently, Pat and Deb were pissed about you two becoming lovers and decided that if they couldn't have you, you shouldn't have each other." Ryan's jaw dropped and he reeled back, blindly reaching for Colin. "You mean . . . it was *planned*?" he finally spluttered, his eyes filling with shock. "Yeah," Drew answered in a voice full of sympathy. "They found this girl and offered her a hundred thousand dollars if she would sleep with both of you, get pictures, and tell each other. It would've worked, too," he added with reluctant admiration. "But your blood test came back with some abnormal results and the doctor called the cops when he realized what you'd been given." "So . . . did we actually---you know, do anything?" Ryan asked hesitantly. "No," Drew said succinctly. "She was going to, but when the drug combines with alcohol, it induces unconsciousness within an hour." "Oh, my God," Colin whispered in disbelief. "Deb . . ." "And Pat," Ryan finished, his voice as soft as his lover's. They turned to look at each other and Drew soon realized that his presence was no longer required. With a quick prayer, he slipped out of the room, making sure to lock the door behind him. Ryan and Colin were oblivious. They were staring into each other's eyes and trying to figure out what this new information meant for them. Finally, cautiously, Ryan lifted a hand and tenderly brushed it down Colin's cheek. The other man closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, releasing a shaking breath. "I still love you, Colin," Ryan whispered. His hand never stopped its slow, careful movements, and Colin pressed harder into the gentle touch for just a second before pulling away and looking up. "And I love you," he choked out, fearfully bringing his hand up. It hovered in the air for a minute before Ryan smiled slightly and leaned forward, resting his lips in Colin's palm before kissing it. "Then let's talk." ~~~~~~~~~ Finis