Title: On Standby Pairing: Jeff/Colin, Colin/Ryan. Rating: PG-13 Summary: Betrayal fuels the worst of breakups. Warnings: Angst. Notes: This is officially the weirdest thing I've ever written. It's pretty much an established relationship. Well, sort of. The lights are too bright, but Jeff isn't complaining anymore. In the same way that he's not complaining because the air is too thin, and the walls seem to be coming at him from every angle. The water isn't safe to drink anymore, and he's glad for that, because surely any drop would burn and corrode on his tongue on impact. And try as hard as he might, he just can't seem to get his limbs to move. He's standing, but close to falling over. He's alive, but just barely. The noise around him barely registers in his mind, and a gleam of something in the distance catches his eye and seems to clear a path among the static in front of him. It's probably nothing and yet it gets his attention, until everything else around him is merely liquid; unimportant. He wills his lungs to fill or for a leg to move forward, but he stands there, almost lifeless. It's a band of silver, nothing more, yet it connects him to Colin in a way Jeff could never connect with him, and it almost fills him with relief, because he's not breaking any rules, and he's not the one sneaking behind his wife's back. But there's a much larger part of him wishing that he could take it off and throw it beyond the walls, making it impossible to find and therefore breaking the bond and leaving a path he could finally chase. He's not crying, not over something as immature and unimportant as this, but he feels the wind burning his eyes and he shuts them slowly, a drop of moisture tasting the wind and making it's trail down the soft skin of his cheek. He has barely anytime to hide it, and within minutes he's on stage, looking into Ryan's eyes and wishing with every fiber of himself that he would just go away. That thought scares him, because he knows Ryan and he likesRyan. He's been a good friend, even though they've had only a few chats and nothing more. Ryan wasn't really the type that would let you know too much of him too quickly. But that day, seeing him from the other side if the stage and sitting next to Colin, smiling at him and touching him and mocking so openly, he thinks he's going to be sick. The next commercial break, Jeff hurries to the small bathroom adjacent to the greenroom and vomits in the toilet, his tongue bitter with the acid-like taste of betrayal. He doesn't come out for a long while, and he does only because they'll fire him if he doesn't come back in time for the closing sequence. And from here, Jeff doesn't have much of anywhere to go. The eyes he meets are full of care and concern, but they're different now. They're not his anymore. And when Ryan comes bounding in from behind the curtains, urging the both of them to hurry before the cameras come on, Jeff has to stifle the urge to tackle him to the ground with every last piece of strength that he had, but stops because Colin grabs his wrist as they make their way back. And when his touch leaves him, and Ryan and Colin go to their seats on the opposite end of him, Jeff feels emptier than he did before. His lungs feel constricted of all air, and his eyes burn, but from the lights above him more than the tears threatening to fall. After it's all over and they're heading to their cars in the parking lot, Jeff stops Colin by the door, a hand resting on his chest and his feet blocking the exit as he speaks in a hurried whisper. "So, the rumors are all true?" Colin just stares at him for a few minutes, studying his face until he realizes that no matter what the situation, it isn't safe to answer and most likely never will be. But Jeff is urging him to take chances, there's no reason not to comply. "Yeah." The word hangs for a moment before slipping out the door behind Jeff. He feels cool air hit his back and a loud smack as the door bangs shut behind him. The tears can fall freely now, but Jeff won't let them. His thoughts are jumbled in his mind, racing through his brain in dismembered fragments. He feels almost numb, the only feeling being the sting of rejection from the one person he thought he'd never feel it from. The lights around him dim. He thinks he preferred when they burned him. -End-