How Jeff Solved Ryan’s Relationship Problems Pairings: Greg/Ryan/Colin/Wayne/Clive/Chip/Jeff/Wife/Drew/Clones Summary: Jeff builds a cloning machine. Warnings: References to hot man sex I have no excuse. Clayangel and I got inspired, and this happened. And so I present 'How Jeff Solved Ryan’s Relationship Problems' ~~~ This is how it started: Blackstray: there is one other way to solve the problem of not enough ryan to go around. I think you know what i mean. ^_~ Clayangel: I'm going to assume you mean either a) clones or b) giving everyone their own mini Jeff they can keep in their pockets for a rainy day. Zekkass: *snerk* Clones?! I like that idea...imagine. Two Ryans (One for Greg, One for Colin), 500 Jeffs (One for everyone in the fandom and two for Greg and Chip), and two Colins...(One for his wife, one for Ryan) Now, who built the cloning machine? And then, I guess, the real story starts? Clayangel: Jeff did. Originally it was so that he had help in running his bon bon factory; when that went under, he decided to sell everyone a copy of himself to brighten their day. And it made him filthy rich, so that was cool. Zekkass: Then Wayne decided to employ Jeff's machine to solve everybody's relationship problems. Jeff thought that was a great idea, so they went out and cloned everybody. Things went weird from there, but in a cool way. Clayangel: That is, until Drew jumped in and said he wanted to make clones, too, and everyone kind of just looked at each other awkwardly. Eventually Wayne and Ryan said they'd take a couple of Drew clones, but it was just pity. Wayne keeps his in his closet behind that sweater his grandmother made him when he was thirteen that he wouldn't be seen dead in, and Ryan uses his to keep the dogs entertained. Zekkass: Then Ryan got a hold of the thing and fixed up his problems with Greg and Colin once and for all. Greg managed to get a hold of three of the Ryans and had very 'inventive' sex. Then his wife found out. She wasn't happy until he offered to let her join in. The original Ryan just found a safe place (cabin in Canada, to be precise) to let it all blow over with Colin. Clayangel: After a bit Jen realized that she was happier with the three Ryans than she was with Greg, so Greg took off to look for the original Ryan, not knowing that he was holed up in Canada with Colin. Along the way he ran into Chip, who was busy amassing a small army of tiny Jeffs. Chip showed Greg all the "interesting" things he had taught the Jeffs, and that took Greg's mind off Ryan for a bit. Zekkass: After Greg was finished with Chip and the Jeffs, Greg traveled to Colin's place to see if Ryan was there. He found a Colin clone and Colin's wife, but no Ryan. They directed him to their vacation cabin, deep in the mountains of Canada. Unfortunately, that wasn't the cabin Colin and Ryan were staying at. There was a Colin clone there, so Greg used him as a confident and poured out his feelings for Ryan. The Colin clone listened quietly, then offered to share. Greg just stared. Clayangel: Then the Colin clone professed his full on love of leather and went into dominatrix mode. Confused but aroused, Greg let the Colin clone take him in a manly fashion and then resumed his search for Ryan, considering the Colin clone's offer of sharing. He made his way to Vancouver before seeing Colin again, this time in the middle of a super market looking at avocados. This was the real Colin, but Greg didn't know that and questioned him about the sharing proposition. Zekkass: Colin was very scared by this proposition, but assumed it was a Greg clone gone berserk and so hid in the frozen meats section. Greg was confused by Colin's reaction and chased him, leading to a fast food run through the store. This was stopped when Greg caught Colin in the fish section and demanded an answer to his proposition. Colin carefully explained that he had no desire to engage in dominatrix practices, but instead wanted to finish his grocery shopping so he could go home. (To Ryan) That was where Greg figured out that he had the real Colin. Clayangel: Greg had kind of liked dominatrix!Colin, and this one wasn't really doing anything for him, so he decided to trail Colin in secret, hoping to find the real Ryan and address the idea of sharing to him. However, as Greg was out buying a trench coat and dark glasses to aid in the aforementioned sneaking, Colin finished his shopping and left the grocery story. Greg was soon arrested for looking like a pervert and ended up being thrown in jail, which was pretty boring. That is, until a few minutes later when none other than Wayne was chucked in the cell with him. Zekkass: Wayne explained that he had been thrown in for an incident involving a cloned Jeff, a cloned Chip, and the very angry original Brad. Then he asked Greg why he was dressed up in a perverted spy outfit. Greg explained that he was searching for a Ryan to try dominatrix sharing with him. He had bought the outfit to follow the Colin and see if Colin was with Ryan. Wayne nodded, then asked if he could join Greg and his search. He wasn't sure if he wanted to join in with the dominatrix games, but he did want to see dominatrix!Colin, just for the entertainment value. Clayangel: Greg heartily agreed, mostly in the hopes that Wayne would distract Colin long enough for him to run away with Ryan, but he didn't say that. Suddenly Jeff appeared looking not unlike the Jonny Depp version of Willy Wonka, with two business suit clad clones at his sides. He told them that he had paid their bail and there was a hot air balloon waiting just outside to aid them in their search. Jeff ushered Greg and Wayne to the balloon, but when Greg turned to thank him for all he'd done, Jeff was gone, leaving nothing but a small note tied to an antelope femur behind. Zekkass: They decided not to wonder about Jeff's new mystical powers by writing him off as a deus ex machina, and entered the balloon. When the hot air balloon landed, they were at the front of Colin and Ryan's secret cabin... Clayangel: Greg told Wayne to ring the bell and then snuck around back and peeked in the bedroom window. There was Ryan, all alone and reading a sports magazine. Greg heard the bell resound through the house and then Colin's muffled cry of "I'll get it!" Sure that Colin would be distracted for a bit, Greg tapped on the window to get Ryan's attention. Zekkass: Ryan looked up and saw Greg peeking through the window. He walked over and opened the window and leaned out. He asked Greg what he was doing at Colin's cabin, and Greg offered his proposition. Ryan blinked several times, then explained that he was happy here with Colin. Then Wayne and Colin walked in... Clayangel: Colin, immediately spotting Greg, stormed over and slammed the window in Greg's face and threatened to call the police if he continued to stalk them. After which he turned, once again all light and sunshine, to Ryan and asked if he wouldn't mind having a threesome with Wayne. But Greg didn't get to hear the answer to that. He ran back to the balloon and was just about to take off when someone sneaked up from behind and hit him in the head -- and then everything went black. Zekkass: Greg woke up to find himself tied up by dominatrix!Colin. He was immediately aroused, but a little worried by the apparent fact that dom!Colin was stalking him. Then Clive stepped out of the nearby shadows... Clayangel: After Greg stopped gawking, Clive explained that the dominatrix!Colin had been made for him, and that everything that had come to pass in the last few days was all a clever ruse. Because Greg hadn't made clones of himself, Clive had gone to extreme measures to get him away from his wife and the Ryan clones. He'd sent dominatrix!Colin after Greg, but Greg had gone before Clive could catch up with them. He'd even been behind throwing Greg in jail to try and stop him from getting to the real Ryan, and then, when that didn't work, had employed Jeff, who installed a homing device in the balloon they'd taken to the cabin. Greg sat and stared in shock throughout the entire explanation, and when Clive was finished, all he could ask was why would he go to so much trouble. Zekkass: "Because, my dear boy, of jealousy." Clive explained. Greg stared at him in confusion. Clive sighed and shook his head. Then he explained that he wanted Greg, and Ryan was in the way. However, Ryan seemed to be happy with Colin, so Clive wouldn't have to 'remove' them. That's when Greg decided that this wasn't a prank, and began to get very creeped out... Clayangel: However, he wasn't about to let Clive see how freaked out he was. He decided to play it smooth and approached Clive with a smile on his face. He began to toy with the man's lapels, complimenting him on his gorgeous suit and taste in men. He told Clive that he'd always had a bit of a thing for him, and all the while was plotting the moment when he could make his escape... Zekkass: Clive growled and pushed Greg away. He cursed at the Colin clone, claiming that this was the wrong Greg. Then he left, bringing the dom!Colin with him. Greg stared after them, amazed that he had fooled them. Then he, too left the darkened building. Clayangel: He briefly considered going to find Ryan again, but it was clear to him that Ryan wanted nothing to do with him, and was happy doing... whatever it was he was doing with Colin and Wayne up in the mountains. Instead he decided, since he had nothing better to do, to go get revenge on Jeff for his part in the whole Clive plot. Zekkass: He ditched his stalker clothes and began to hike to the nearest airport. Along the way, he met… Clayangel: Drew, who had finally figured out that no one really loved him. Drew had some crazy scheme to find Jeff and force him to make clones of the entire Whose Line cast that would all worship him. Greg thought it was a pretty sick plan, but Drew DID have his own private jet, so they teamed up and made their way to Jeff's cloning factory in downtown Eugene, Oregon. All was going well until they got to the factory's gates, where… Zekkass: Jeff was waiting for them, twirling his cane-thingy. He quickly explained that he knew that Clive wouldn't be able to keep Greg, as Clive was another clone. And he told Drew that no, he couldn't clone the entire Whose Line cast again. The first time he had tried it, Colin came out as a dominatrix, Clive an evil villain, and Ryan a total blank. Clayangel: So Drew turned to Greg and suggested that, since they were both so unloved, they should hook up. Greg laughed in his face and proceeded to seduce Jeff. Zekkass: Drew sulked away, depressed yet again. Jeff eagerly accepted Greg's advances, and they retreated to Jeff's bedroom. (That was nicely done up in Purples and Yellows) There they preceded to have hot, kinky sex. Clayangel: And so everyone lived happily ever after... except for Drew.