Title - The Fall Author - NeonLoveChicken Pairing - Ryan/Colin (friendship) Rating - PG Summary - The ever overenthusiastic Wayne goes a little too far in a game of Party Quirks putting Colin in danger. “Hello and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway? With Lord of the Dance, Wayne Brady, Lord of Sherwood, Brad Sherwood, Lord of Randomness, Colin Mochrie and Lord of Everything-Smaller-Than-Him, Ryan Stiles and me, your host, Drew Carey,” were Drew’s opening words as another filming of the show began. He felt happy because he knew the evening would be filled with laughter, terrible jokes and the way-out humour that kept this programme going. He smiled jovially as he passed down the steps and took his place behind the desk to the applause of the audience. “Whose Line is it Anyway? Is the show where everything is made up and the points just don’t matter, kinda like women in gay bars.” Drew grinned at Ryan’s expression that had turned to a bemused frown. “Now, time for the first game, we’re gonna play…” the host looked down at his cue card, “Questionable Impressions.” And so the first game ensued. By the end of Questionable Impressions in which Wayne had done a very scary, knife wielding Brittany, Drew had tears running down his face from laughter. He had to remove his glasses to wipe his eyes so he could read the next game. Scenes from a Hat, one of his favourites. The guys went and took their places at each end of the stage: Ryan and Colin at one end and Brad and Wayne at the other. “In this game we asked the audience to write down suggestions and picked the best ones to put in this hat. Now, let’s see what we’ve got….things not to say whilst standing naked.” Wayne smiled and bounced into centre stage, “Here boys, here doggies, come get some dinner….ah!” Wayne had bent over and pretended to beckon to the invisible dogs before jumping back as if attacked by them. “No leave my manhood alone!” The audience cackled in appreciation. “Ok, moving swiftly on from Wayne’s dream dates to…ha…what goes on in the Whose Liners’ head before they go on stage.” Ryan stepped down and strode into the middle, his face as usual giving nothing away to what he was going to do. Once he reached the centre of the stage he turned to face the audience. “Maybe, if I give Drew a doughnut we won’t have to do a Hoedown today. And maybe, if I give him my two doughnuts we won’t have to do the Irish Drinking Song either!” This received great applause from the audience and Drew shook his head. “Sorry, Ryan, it’s gonna take more than that,” he smirked. Brad was next on stage and he delivered his line to the laughing crowd. Wayne made to go on but Colin beat him to it. He walked slowly into the middle of the stage and halted, standing completely still in silence. There were a few chuckles from the audience as they waited wondering whether this was Colin’s act or not. Then… “Should I go to the bathroom now or later?” The way the man said it, in such a contemplative, serious voice caused everyone to erupt into laughter. Even Ryan, who rarely ever broke, was fighting to hold back a snigger. Colin was just so random. Then the Canadian shrugged, a small amused smile playing across his lips as he yet again pulled off the trick of causing the show to come to a complete standstill. “Time for a commercial,” Drew gasped between his uncontrollable giggling. After the cameras had been switched off Ryan turned to Colin and said, “The bathroom?” in an incredulous voice. “Yeah, in fact, I made the wrong decision before the show, I need to go now. Be right back.” The man disappeared off behind the scenes whilst the other three improvisers took their seats again, sipping at water and chatting amiably. “Guys, we’re going to turn the cameras on again. Where’s Colin?” the director appeared. “He went,” Ryan replied, poker faced. “Went where?” “Home.” “What?!” “Hey, cool it, he went to the little boy’s room,” the tall man grinned. “Ok, well tell him to get his butt moving.” “I’m here. Missed me?” Colin smiled as he returned to the set. “No,” Ryan answered nonchalantly. “Some friend you are,” the Canadian poked his best friend on passing before slumping into his chair. “Was that like a super quick piss or something?” Brad asked, looking surprised. “Yup, but I don’t particularly want to discuss my bodily functions on national television so shall we move on?” The show progressed as normal with few mishaps unless you could include Colin managing, yet again, to almost fall off his stool in Greatest Hits from laughing at Ryan’s segwig. That was until they reached the game, Party Quirks. Wayne opened his envelope and read the instructions. ‘An overenthusiastic model that’s looking for the highest point in the studio to make his ultimate pose.’ Great. These writers really did enjoy turning him into a woman or a singer or something feminine. Though climbing on things did sound quite cool. Colin tore open his quirk and scanned over the text quickly. ‘A very competitive monkey looking to outdo all the others at anything the do.’ That sounded alright; at least it wasn’t as bad as being confused about people’s genders or developing from the Primordial Ooze. He still couldn’t understand how Greg got that. Ryan was the last to read his card and sighed at what he saw. ‘A bird making a huge nest out of audience members’ pieces of clothing so she can lay her eggs.’ He didn’t know why the person who wrote all his weird characters seemed to have made a habit out of making him some sort of animal: a foal, a boa constrictor, a vulture…. Ryan noticed hat Wayne, Brad and Colin had already risen from their seats and he reluctantly did the same. Brad began his introduction to the game in the shower pretending to dab all parts of his anatomy with a sponge whilst whistling merrily to himself. It sounded sort of like jingle bells but no one could be sure. Drew pressed the button on his desk and the doorbell went off. Brad made a rush to get out of the imaginary shower almost tripping over an imaginary step as he went to open the door. “Hi Wayne, come in, have some food!” “Hey,” Wayne sauntered into the room and then halted, striking a pose, a huge grin on his face. “No! Not good enough.” He looked around and his eyes lit up with a sly grin before he took a running leap and landed on Brad’s back. He had considered doing this to Ryan at the beginning as he was clearly the tallest but then he remembered what had happened when Chip did it and decided against it. “Argh!” Brad let out a strangled yelp as Wayne posed on his back before shaking him roughly off. He glared at the young man for the briefest of moments to which Wayne gave a dazzling smile before prancing off to find another perch. Ding. Dong. Ding. Dong. The doorbell went again and Brad opened the invisible door to unveil Colin who promptly sprinted in and also jumped on Brad’s back making strange monkey sounds and scratching his head. The audience burst into appreciative laughter and applause. “Why don’t you have some of the dip?” Brad asked as the man dropped down. “Ooh, ah, ah, oo-y-ah!” Colin replied and hurried off to follow Wayne in his antics which currently involved standing on Drew’s desk which was wobbling precariously. “D’you think I look good up here?” the young, black man yelled, taking up another model-like poise. “Not from my angle you don’t,” Drew commented, pushing away Wayne’s ass that was being waved in his face. Colin had followed the other man up and was balanced beside him still doing monkey noises. Brad looked suitably baffled but was saved from his obvious puzzlement by the bell. Looking relieved he hurried over hoping that Ryan’s quirk would be easier to guess. As the door was opened Ryan lifted up his hands and began ‘fluttering’ them in his infamous bird impression. Then he flitted passed Brad who greeted him feebly. The audience had read the quirk already and were ready with an assortment of clothes and items that could be used for a nest, holding them out and yelling ‘Take mine!’ Ryan wandered into the audience being surveyed by a severely bewildered Brad who could do nothing but stare at his colleagues with a perplexed look. His brain was working faster than it ever had to save himself from embarrassment but it just couldn’t seem to piece together the clues. By the time the man had brought himself back to the present Ryan had several items of clothing bundled in his arms and he was bringing them towards the stage. The tall man knew that it was a little out of character for a bird to carry things for its nest in its arms considering it had none but what could the writers have expected, for him to put them in his mouth?! Ryan was sure the audience members wouldn’t be best pleased. Once he got safely back on stage the improviser placed the pile on the floor and began arranging them in a circular shape in-between small bird calls and flapping of wings. As soon as he was satisfied with the ‘nest’ Ryan slumped down in the middle of it on his knees and pretended to sit there laying his eggs and guarding them. Whilst he had been doing this Colin and Wayne had moved on from the meagre heights of Drew’s desk and were gradually moving up the audience stands. Every few steps Wayne would stop and shout “Is this good enough?” to which the audience would reply “NO!” Colin just imitated what he did and added ape noises here and there. He knew that he was supposed to be copying the other improvisers as well but Wayne was by far the most interesting to follow so he stuck with him. Occasionally he stole a few possessions from the people near the steps so it would look like he was also copying Ryan but he gave them back pretty quickly so he could pursue the young black man. “Any ideas Brad?” Drew shouted smiling at the other man’s mystified expression. These quirks really were good tonight and Brad would be extremely lucky to guess any of them correctly. The best he could hope for would to get the basic idea. “Um….is Ryan a….bird?” Brad began nervously looking at the host for confirmation. “Yes, and…?” “Um….he’s a kleptomaniac bird?” “Almost, he’s a bird making….” “Making a nest?” “Yes,” Drew nodded knowing that they couldn’t expect any more out of the poor man he ended his misery by pressing the buzzer. Ryan sighed and began returning all the garments from the audience. “The full quirk says he’s a bird making a huge nest out of audience clothing to lay her eggs in.” “Oh, now why didn’t I get that?” Brad clicked his fingers, feigning annoyance before turning to watch the others and ponder on their characters. Both Colin and Wayne were at the very top of the stand, fighting for prime position. Drew craned his neck so he could watch the action going on behind him as it was getting quite good. Wayne had struck another pose and Colin was jostling to get higher than him. To stay in character the younger man pretended that he was a temperamental model and gave Colin a sharp shove in the chest, flicking his head as if swinging his hair as he did so. This elicited a laugh from the audience that was until they noticed Colin. The older man was cart-wheeling his arms in an effort to keep his balance as the momentum from the seemingly harmless push drove him backwards. As he stumbled he hit the metal fence at the edge of the stairs but unfortunately he flew completely over that and plummeted down to the hard floor at the bottom. It seemed to take a moment for everyone to realise what had happened as the audience let out a horrified gasp in unison and several people screamed. “Holy shit!” Ryan yelled and was up out of his seat in seconds, moving faster than anyone thought he could move towards his fallen friend. A few of the people on the front row had moved forward as if to help but them seemed unsure of what to do. The tall man however skidded to his knees beside the injured man. He was swiftly followed by Wayne, Drew and Brad along with several crew members. “Hey, buddy, you okay, Colin-buddy?” Ryan gently shook his comrade’s shoulders trying to rouse him from unconsciousness. It seemed the Canadian must have slammed his head pretty hard as he landed because there was already an ugly swelling growing on the side of his head. Colin mumbled incoherently as he was shaken and slowly his eyes flickered open. He blinked dazedly for a few moments before they fully opened and he looked at Ryan, albeit slightly unfocused. “Colin, are you okay?” “Do I look okay?” the man groaned, still managing to get a quip in. “No, stupid question. Where does it hurt, buddy?” Ryan asked, scanning his friend for obvious injuries. “My wrist and my leg,” the Canadian whispered. As the man said it Ryan looked at those parts of his anatomy and saw that his leg was bent at an inhuman angle beneath his crumpled body and his wrist was ballooning as they spoke. “I think they’re broken.” “State the obvious,” Colin joked through gritted teeth. In the background they could vaguely hear the director calling for all the cameras to be switched off and for the audience to leave until further notice. This caused uproar as several people protested claiming that they’d paid for the damn tickets so they wanted to see the show. Drew jumped in at that point and apologised saying that maybe they could get refunds but right now they needed to think about Colin’s welfare. “My welfare,” Colin snickered quietly, “Since when has anyone cared about that?” “I do,” Ryan said solemnly, his green eyes staring worriedly down at his best friend’s brown ones. “Yeah, but you don’t count.” “Why don’t I count?” the taller man asked, confused. “Well….actually I dunno,” Colin shrugged looking bemused. Ryan looked concerned, his colleague seemed a little…off, maybe the concussion was kicking in. “I’ve called an ambulance,” Wayne appeared on the other side of the injured man, “Look, Colin, I’m really sorry for pushing you.” He bowed his head in guilt. “Its ok Wayne, I should have better balance, besides, it added a bit of drama don’t you think?” “A bit of drama?” Ryan asked incredulously, shaking his head. “Did they film it? That could make one helluva outtake.” “I think they did. But Colin, shouldn’t you be feeling more pain, I mean, look at your leg,” the younger man gestured to the tangled limb and Colin tried bending his neck to see but he couldn’t. “I can’t actually look but I’ll take your word for it. I’m being manly,” the Canadian managed a small grin and he momentarily tensed his uninjured limb to add effect. “Sure,” Ryan chuckled. “Actually, if I’m being honest, I’m beginning to feel a bit woozy…” Colin started as everything dissolved into darkness. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When Colin came round again he found himself in an uncomfortable hospital bed with a splitting headache. His eyelids felt like they were glued shut but he managed to prise them open, battling against the blinding light contrast as he took in his surroundings. He could feel that his wrist was strapped tightly against his chest but it wasn’t plaster, just supported suggesting that he hadn’t actually broken the bone, just sprained it. However the heavy weight on his right leg told him that that was bound in thick plaster so it had definitely been broken or at least fractured. He noticed that there was a rigid white plastic hospital chair by his side and slumped, asleep, in that chair practically upright was none other than Ryan Stiles. Colin had to say he was quite surprised that his best friend was there rather than his wife but maybe he hadn’t been unconscious for that long and his wife hadn’t had time to fly in yet. Suddenly, the Canadian was very much aware of how parched and scratchy his throat was feeling. He spotted a jug of water and an empty glass by his bedside and reached over to grab them so he could pour himself a drink. Unfortunately he forgot about his secured wrist and ended up bumping the jug with his elbow. This caused the jug to tumble onto the floor with a loud crash in a pretty perfect imitation of what Colin was sure he looked like as he fell off the stand. The abrupt noise caused Ryan to jump out of his seat in shock, his eyes wide and startled. He looked wildly around, getting his bearings before looking over at the hospital bed. Colin was sitting there smiling sheepishly like a schoolboy caught doing something wrong. “Col, you’re awake! How are you feeling?” “I’ve been better,” the Canadian grinned. “Me too, you know you scared the hell out of me back there,” Ryan shook his head still envisioning his friend’s propelling arms and shocked face as he plunged off the stairway. In that moment the tall American was sure his heart had stopped beating as he watched the agonising impact of Colin hitting the floor. “Glad to know you love me,” the bedridden man announced. “’Course I love you, baldie.” “I love you too, goofball.” “I would say that’s about three minutes.” “Huh?” “Three minutes from you waking up until we start insulting each other. It’s good to know that bash didn’t knock too many brain cells from your head.” “I have a thick skull,” Colin shrugged nonchalantly. “To make up for lack of hair to cushion the impact.” “Well, if it had been you I reckon your nose would’ve hit the floor first.” “Okay, okay, I surrender; I don’t think its right to argue with a cripple.” “Cripple my ass. How long have I been out anyway? What are my ailments? I’m pretty sure it can’t be anything too bad or you wouldn’t be so happy.” “Uh…you’ve been out about five hours. The docs want you to stay over night so they can monitor your vitals after you cracked your head like an egg on the floor. Deb’s coming down from Canada with Luke to see you before you ask. They say you had a nasty case of concussion and you have sprained your wrist, you have a hairline fracture on your cheek bone and you’ve broken your leg in two places.” “So not too bad then,” Colin grinned brightly. “Nope, it’ll add to your sympathy vote and adorability, if that’s even a word, on the show.” “I think so,” the older man nodded, “When can I get back to work?” “You can have a break you know, Col,” Ryan commented, surprised by his friend’s enthusiasm to get back to filming. “But then we’ll be wasting money and letting the fans down. I’m fine. I’ll just have to take it easy on set. As you say, I can get the sympathy vote,” Colin stated. “Ri-ight, geez, if I fell like ten foot then I’d be milking it for as much sick leave as I could.” “I’m not you.” “Too right, I don’t think anyone could cope with more than one of me.” Suddenly the door burst open and in hurried Deb McGrath, Colin’s wife. She looked evidently relieved when she saw him sitting up and talking. She had been terrified when she got the call from Ryan earlier and despite being told it was unlikely to be life threatening she could help fretting and worrying all the way on the plane. She rushed over to Colin’s bedside and Ryan moved out of the way to give her space as she hugged her husband. “Careful, Deb, you’re strangling me,” the Canadian teased good-naturedly. “Sorry, I was just so worried, Colin,” the woman smiled and released her grip, “I thought you were going to die.” “Die, man, what did Ryan tell you over the phone? You should know it’d take a lot more than a few broken bones and a knock on the head to get rid of me,” the man joked. “I know, I know I overreacted, Luke told me as much,” Deb declared, holding her husband’s arm tenderly. “Speaking of the devil spawn himself, where is that son of mine?” “Getting a can of soda from the vending machine. He didn’t seem to value seeing you okay over all the big breasted nurses in this hospital.” “I feel wanted.” Colin knew that Luke was a teenager and, at the age of seventeen, his mind was only set in one gear and that didn’t include visiting his injured father. Still, he couldn’t help feel slightly hurt that his son hadn’t come into the hospital room first. “I think I may go,” Ryan said awkwardly, feeling he was intruding. Seeing Deb and Colin together made him want to get back to his own wife but unfortunately she wasn’t even in this state. “You don’t have to go, Ry,” the Canadian shook his head. “No, I do, I need to get some proper sleep after napping in that crappy chair I’m sure my back can’t take any more of this hospital,” Ryan stated, “See you tomorrow if you’re sure you are up to taping again.” “Yup, see you.” -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There was tumultuous applause as the opening music rolled on and the improvisers appeared in their seats. Drew greeted them all in the usual way. “Welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway? With spaghetti legs, Wayne Brady, macho arms, Brad Sherwood, stick body Ryan Stiles and the crazy man that fell off the stairway, Colin Mochrie! And me Drew Carey!” Colin got the loudest cheer and several wolf whistles as he sat in his usual seat with his arm in a sling and his plastered leg sticking out in front of him. To the side of his chair, propped up against the arm was a pair of crutches. “Whose Line is it Anyway? Is the show were everything’s made up and the points don’t matter, kinda like a stair rail to Colin Mochrie.” Everyone laughed, even Colin himself, as he knew that today would not be a day of bald jokes but of cripple jokes. “The first game we’re gonna play is…Helping Hands,” Drew smirked, “Just kidding.” He added when he saw Colin’s raised eyebrows.