OK, this is a quick ficlet I cooked up to get my brain in gear. I've got 3 more fics in the works, all of which are stalled at the moment. All comments welcome! Laura Rating: PG-13 Pairing: R/C Archive: Sure, just let me know where/when Disclaimers: I haven't got anything you'd want, so please don't sue. 2:00 AM. Who'd have thought my life would get completely turned around in less than 12 hours? I'm just sitting here in the kitchen, staring at the phone and smoking what has to be my 10th cigarette, trying to figure out what to do... ********************************** It started out as a beautiful January Sunday afternoon in Los Angeles (well, as beautiful as this dump can get, anyway). Sam and I were sprawled on the couch watching a hockey game and Mac was kneeling at the coffee table doing her homework with one half of her brain and commenting on the game with the other. Fortunately she's a smart kid and doing both at the same time wasn't a problem. Pat was asleep in the recliner--poor thing, it's pretty much the only place left in the house that's comfortable for her. At least it'll be over soon. Our new daughter is due in just a couple of weeks. When the phone rang I was tempted to let the machine pick it up, but Mac scurried to answer it, probably thinking it was one of her friends (what is the deal with adolescent girls and the phone?). A couple of minutes later she came back in the den, looking a little concerned. "Daddy, it's Uncle Colin. He sounds upset." Colin?! Despite our close friendship we rarely speak on the phone to each other--the wives handle that end of things. Something important must have happened. I raced into the kitchen and picked up the phone lying on the counter. "Col? It's me, buddy. What's the matter?" "Oh, God, Ryan, I don't even know where to start." This was not good. Colin was obviously crying and probably heading toward drunk as well. I lowered my voice a bit to try to calm him. "It's OK, Col. It's gonna be OK. Just tell me what happened." I heard him take a deep breath, and then he uttered the one sentence I never thought I'd hear. "Deb and I are splitting up." WHAT?! Debra and Colin are probably the most perfect couple I know. And I ought to know; I'm the one who set them up. "Colin, you have to be kidding me. All of a sudden? Things seemed fine when you were here over the summer." His tone grew darker. "There's someone else." Oh, Christ, I have to sit down. This has to be a mistake. Deb adores Colin. She'd never cheat on him. "Colin, are you sure? Deb told you that herself?" There was silence on the other end of the phone for at least a minute. "It's the other way around." Bloody fuck, Colin, you cheated on her?! "You slept with someone other than Deb?" I tried to keep my tone under control, but I was already seething at my best friend. We had many long talks on this topic over the years, and we both agreed it was pretty much the worst thing you could do to someone. What in the name of God got into him? "Was she worth it?" "Ryan, please don't get angry with me. I need you." The alcohol seemed to be wearing off, but his crying was getting worse. And there was something else in his voice I couldn't quite figure out. "Anyway, we haven't slept together. Yet." By now I was thoroughly confused, which managed to get the edge off my anger. "OK, Col, you're gonna have to start at the beginning. There's someone else, but you haven't slept with her, and you're getting divorced? Help me out here, pal. I don't get it." Colin took another deep breath. "Deb and I had a long talk on New Year's Eve. There has been someone else in my life for a long time now, Ryan. But that person is married, too, so I never pursued it. But it's not fair to Deb. She deserves to be with someone who really loves her. I don't. I'm not sure I ever did." Someone in his life for a long time? I wracked my brain trying to think of who it was but came up empty. "Does she know?" "She who?" "The other woman." "No, he doesn't" There must have been a hitch in the phone line. Did Colin just say "he"? "Colin, did you just say what I think you said?" "Yes, Ryan. I did. I'm in love with another man." Thank God for cordless phones. I had already started pacing around the house and was now rummaging through the liquor cabinet trying to find something strong to drink. But between the holidays and Pat not drinking there was nothing. I found myself heading back to the den before realizing that my wife, and especially my kids, didn't need to hear even my half of this conversation. So I dragged myself upstairs and flopped onto the bed. Colin's gay? I swear I never suspected a thing. Oh sure, we joke about it on the shows, but we're all kidding, right? Right?! "Oh, shit, Colin, I don't even know what to say. How did Deb take it?" "Not well, of course. She threw me out on the spot. I've been in at the Hilton ever since. She won't pick up the phone, won't let me see Luke or even talk to him. Not that he'd want to, anyway." Now he was really crying. "Do you want me to come out there?" "No, Ryan. You have Pat, and the kids, and the new baby. You've got too much going on right now. I'll be OK." I haven't mentioned this yet, but sometimes I can be really stupid. The next thing out of my mouth was one of those times. "Colin? Who is it?" "You really don't want to know that, Ryan." "Yeah, I do, Col. Maybe it will help if you talk about it." "It won't." OK, I was wrong. The next sentence was the stupid one. "You don't have to tell me Colin, but I wish you would." There was a very long pause on the other end of the phone. All I could hear was muffled sobs. Oh, Colin, my poor, sweet friend, how did you get yourself into this mess? And then my life changed forever. In a very small voice Colin replied, "It's you, Ryan. It's always been you." The room started to spin as the reality of what Colin just said sunk in. He's in love with me? All these years, all the goofing around, he meant it?! "Colin, what did you just say?" "I'm sorry, Ryan. I'm so, so sorry. I never should have told you. This is my problem, not yours. Please, forget I ever said anything. Deb doesn't know it's you; we can pretend we never had this conversation." Yeah, like that's going to happen. "Col, I can't just forget about this. Are you sure?" He could barely answer me; his sobs were so loud. "I'm more sure of this than anything else in my life. I love you, Ryan." I had to get off the phone before I passed out. "Look, Colin," I said, my voice tightening as the sobs started up in my own throat. "I can't talk about this right now. I have to go." Did I mention that in addition to being stupid I can be a bastard, too? As I hung up the phone I could hear Colin whimpering over and over. "I'm sorry, Ryan. I'm so sorry." ************************************ Don't ask me how I got through the rest of the day. I didn't tell the kids anything, of course, and just told Pat that our best friends were getting divorced. I didn't let on that I was the cause of it. Pat took over the dinner conversation and we got the kids to bed, and then we both turned in. We didn't discuss it further. I lay in bed looking at the ceiling for a few hours and then came down to the kitchen, staring at that little electronic device that had completely unhinged me a few hours earlier. I glance at the clock again. 3:00. What is it, 5:00, 6:00 in Toronto? I have to call him. I call information and have them put me through to the hotel. "Colin Mochrie's room, please." "Yes, sir, just a moment." The phone rings several times, and then the answering machine picks up. Maybe he's in the shower, or maybe he's still asleep. It's just as well. "Colin, it's me. I'm sorry, I can't do this. I just can't..." FINIS