Title: Break My Heart Pairing: Ryan/Colin Rating: G Disclaimer: Still don't own crap! But the less sleep I get, the more delusional I might get about it! :) Summary: The first taping of season 2. But damn it, I like happy endings. It wasn't there. Strangely, I hadn't seen Ryan before the show, and now he sat, just to my left, as if nothing had changed. I had noticed immediately. You could still see the faint line of where it used to be. The faint line that had left my mind buzzing. What did it mean? I vacillated between hurt and anger, finally settling comfortably into hurt, a role I hadn't played in years. I had claimed Ryan as my own many years ago and had sealed that claim as publicly as we both dared. The ring. A seemingly simple band of silver with an onyx stone. But it was the band that bound him to me. Sure, his left hand would always belong to his wife, but his right hand was mine. He had been so proud the day I gave it to him and when he'd put it on, I cried. He'd even worn it on the Drew Carey Show, bringing a small part of himself, of us, into his fictitious role. As far as I could remember, the only time I'd ever seen it off his finger was when it sat on my bedside table. And now that finger was bare. I couldn't meet his eyes. Afraid that everything would come spilling over, quite publicly, and once it started, I don't think I could stop it. He'd tried to engage me in idle conversation several times, but I limited my responses to one word grunts and soon he stopped trying. It was all I could do to make it through the taping, but it finally ended. I stood to leave the stage, gathered all of my courage, and asked softly, "Where is it?" It took him a few moments to register that I'd even spoken, and a few more to form a word, "Huh?" "Where is it?" I asked, a little more demanding and with a bite at the end of my words this time. "Where is what, Colin?" he asked, looking more than a little confused, and maybe even a little indignant. Suddenly my fears were recognized as I realized that the tears were now flowing freely down my cheeks. Somewhere in the back of my mind I registered that the audience had gone by now, and it seemed that Drew and the guys had gone as well. I looked up at that face, the one I loved more than life itself, and nearly died when I discovered how closed it was. Ryan's expression answered before I even got to finish the question. "The ring." I said, barely above a whisper as I stared at the carpet. "Oh, I guess I must have lost it or something." And that was it. I didn't even look up. I ran, not seeing where I was going, but knowing that I was going to be sick and the last thing I was aware of was the absence of footsteps behind me. fin (10/16/05)