Just a little fluffy ficlet I came up with, because I love The Princess Bride… :) -Title: As You Wish -Author: Emily -Rating: PG -Pairing: Ryan/Colin -Summary: During a game of "Whose Line", Ryan is Westley and Colin is Princess Buttercup. -Disclaimer: I know that this didn't really happen. I know it might be freaky, because I'm writing about real people. But it's just a fun little fantasy. I don't mean any harm. I'm writing about them 'cause I love them. :) Please don't sue me. You're not gonna get anything of any value from me anyway, unless you like My Little Ponies and tiger plushies. *g* *** That day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying "As you wish", what he meant was, "I love you." --The Princess Bride, 1987. *** "All right," says Drew from his vantage point at the desk. "Let's move on to a game called 'Whose Line'. That's right, we have a game on Whose Line called 'Whose Line', which is sort of confusing if you ask me. Anyway, this is for Ryan and Colin. Come on up here, Ryan and Colin. Ryan and Colin, everybody." Colin grins over at Ryan as he leaps up from his chair on light feet and patters onto the main part of the stage. The audience breaks into scattered applause. Beside him, Ryan grunts and shuffles, staring down at his feet. And Colin prays to himself that he won't be the woman this time, even though he has a feeling he will be, just from the way Drew is smirking at him. "Okay, now in this game Ryan and Colin will be acting out a scene. And in the scene they have to use these lines that we provide for them, that are in these envelopes. Come take your envelopes, guys." Colin and Ryan obediently grab their envelopes from Drew. Colin tears his open without looking at the lines and stuffs them inside his pockets. He sways back and forth onstage, occasionally brushing shoulders with Ryan, as he awaits his character assignment. "All right, here is your scene. Ooh, looks like this is from The Princess Bride," Drew says. "Great movie, am I right?" And the audience screams their agreement, while Colin prays that he will be anyone but Princess Buttercup... Or Vizzini, for that matter, if they want to get a little bald guy dig at him. "Okay, and the scene is: Westley, who is…" Drew pauses, looking up from the card, trying to draw out the suspense. "Ryan…" Ryan nudges Colin and grins smugly, while Colin pretends to glare at him. "And Princess Buttercup, who is…" Drew again looks up, directly at Colin this time. "I know, I know," Colin mutters. "It's me, isn't it?" "Of course," Drew says, laughing. "Colin, you're Princess Buttercup. And you are trying to get through the Fire Swamp without being killed. So anytime you're ready, start the scene, Westley and Princess Buttercup." Colin jumps and swats at something. "Oh! What was that, what was that?" He clings to Ryan's arm. "Relax, Buttercup," Ryan says. "It was just one of those giant lifesucking mosquitoes." "Mosquitoes?" Colin exclaims, his eyes round. "I don't remember agreeing to any mosquitoes in this scene. Can we get out of here?" "Well, we'll get to that," Ryan says smoothly, patting Colin's shoulder. "Don't you worry your pretty little bald head." "Bald?" Colin shakes his head, pretending to fan out long luxurious hair while the audience giggles. "Check this out!" And he primps and fluffs, while Ryan just smiles indulgently at him. "Ah, what's the use, Buttercup?" Ryan asks with sigh. "We're never going to make it out of here alive. Why, when I was the Dread Pirate Roberts, sailing on the seven seas, I heard lots of stories about the Fire Swamp. And everybody said…" He reaches into his pocket, pulling out the slip of paper and unfolding it. "Everybody said, 'Holy cow! Are those real?'" The audience howls as Colin clutches his "breasts", a guilty look crossing his face. "Okay, so I had some work done!" he yells, which almost causes Ryan to lose it. "It's no one's business but my own." "Well, it's not like I'm complaining," Ryan says with a lecherous grin, reaching out with grabby hands towards Colin's chest. Colin sniffs and steps back, slapping Ryan's hands away. "There will be time for that later," he says. "Right now, there's something I need to tell you. Something that's been in my heart for a long time." And Colin tugs one of the pieces of paper out of his pocket, flipping it over so he can read it. "'I want to be tied up and ridden like a pony.'" Colin almost blushes at the dazed expression on Ryan's face, before he remembers that he's on stage and he has a job to do. "You see," Colin says, before Ryan can react. "When I was a little girl, my parents never bought me a pony, even though I asked for one every Christmas and birthday, and it warped my fragile young mind. I was in therapy for years, and… well, enough about that. It's not important. Why don't we keep moving?" "Hold on a second," Ryan says. "You have a mosquito right… there…" And Ryan grabs Colin's butt, making Colin yelp and spin away. He sometimes wonders to himself if Ryan does these kinds of things on purpose, but that's ridiculous. They're both married, and they're friends, even if Colin has the occasional fantasy about what it would be like to take their relationship further… "Ahh! That's no way to deal with mosquitoes! Don't you know, that in The Official Guidebook To Getting Through the Fire Swamp Without Getting Mostly Dead, it says…" And Colin fumbles for the second slip of paper in his pocket, all the while dancing around trying to keep his butt out of Ryan's hands. He clears his throat. "It says, 'Oh no! I forgot the fabric softener!'" "Fabric softener?" Ryan asks distractedly, but at least he's finally stopped touching Colin's butt. "Well, it wasn't as if I was planning to go into the Fire Swamp today," Colin says. "All I was thinking about was getting a couple loads of laundry done, and then you had to show up. 'Oh, Buttercup, darling, let's go on an adventure! It'll be romantic! You'll love it!'" Colin snorts, throwing up his hands in exasperation. "And I'm sorry, but getting chewed on the ass by giant mosquitoes isn't exactly my idea of a good time." The audience roars, and Ryan bites back a smile, making Colin inwardly rejoice. That's twice. Twice he's managed to make Ryan crack in one game. "What is your idea of having a good time?" Ryan asks. "Oh, I don't want to monopolize all of the conversation," Colin says demurely, batting his eyelashes. "Why don't you tell me your idea of a good time?" Ryan pauses, and looks steadily at Colin. And then he smiles, that soft-eyed one that always makes Colin feel all light-headed. "As you wish," he says slowly, and maybe... deliberately? Colin gulps, as Ryan continues. "My idea of a good time, hmm? Well…" he says, taking his second and final piece of paper out of his pocket. "I would have to say, 'I taste great and I'm less filling!'" The response from the audience is deafening, and out of the corner of his eye Colin can see Drew rolling around on the desk. "So you're like, what? A Twinkie or something?" Colin asks, mouth twitching as he thinks about creamy centers… Ryan opens his mouth to respond, but Drew recovers enough to hit the buzzer. Colin briefly goes into a pout, because he wanted to see what Ryan's answer was, but he supposes that it just wasn't meant to be. Drew always has bad timing when it comes to that stupid buzzer anyway. Colin still hasn't forgiven him for buzzing them out of the slow dance during "Greatest Hits". Ryan claps him on the back as they sit down, and they share a secret smile. Drew calls Wayne and Chip up for "Song Styles", and wanders off into the audience in search of the next victim. As Wayne and Chip start singing to Anna, the bus driver, as a gospel choir, Ryan leans over towards Colin. "Want more water?" he asks, voice pitched low so the microphones won't pick up the words. Not that it matters, with Wayne and Chip making so much noise. Colin nods. He loves it when Ryan pours the water for him. It makes him feel pampered for some reason. "Water would be nice, thanks." Ryan picks up the pitcher and pours the water into Colin's glass with a flourish. "As you wish," he whispers, eyes twinkling. His fingers cover Colin's briefly while he hands back the glass, and Colin once again starts to wonder… The End